Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
