i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
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