i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
