it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
this beer tastes like vomit already
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize