Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
