cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Randomize