The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize