i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Randomize
