she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize