Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
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