i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Randomize