Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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