my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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