I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize