im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
