Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
