So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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