I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Randomize
