beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
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