My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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