you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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