I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
