I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
