Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Is her dick bigger than yours?
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
