we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
