Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
