I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
