I molested 6 butterflies tonight
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Randomize
