You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
