i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
