Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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