so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Randomize
