bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
We named our party play list daddy issues
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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