Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
