I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
