Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
