if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
