remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
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