"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
