I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
