How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
