i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize