The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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