It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
