I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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