I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
