I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
