Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
