One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
two words...techno handjob
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Drunk is a universal language darling
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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