she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
