HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
