He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
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