Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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