this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
