She is in my trunk
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
