And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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