omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
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