too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
