her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Randomize
