Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
