I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I need a beard to bite.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
