I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
