Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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