i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize