She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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