Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
