between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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