i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Randomize