I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
a search helicopter?!
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
