I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
He has the fingertips of a God
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