Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize