you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Randomize
