the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
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