So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
