Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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