we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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