You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
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