I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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