All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
