Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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