I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Vodka?
Forever.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Randomize
