My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize