I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
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