apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
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