I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
