Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize