That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
We left an ass print on the piano.
Just invented taco cereal.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
