In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Randomize
