Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
