i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
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