In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
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