I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
