I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
don't judge my taste in strippers
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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