If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
