So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
