Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Randomize
