My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
