i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
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