Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
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