She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
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