i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
