a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
