someone owes me an orgasm
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Randomize
