I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
he fucked my hip out of place.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
