theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
