Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize