so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
