I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
