Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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