I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I just want nice things and good sex
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
