look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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