don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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